the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
