Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
