Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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