Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
