it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
