What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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