one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
