We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize