when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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