Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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