what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
