yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
