Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
