Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i believe in u and ur pee
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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