I'm lost and stupid without you.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
