You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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