I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm like, not good at living.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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