So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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