She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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