If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
