If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
