Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize