ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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