you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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