Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
