I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
