I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
