So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
