Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
