so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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