So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Randomize
