My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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