to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
