My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
