worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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