new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You've changed since you got that strap on
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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