Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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