Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
