I showed him my bush... on skype.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
