we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
