how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
