I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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