she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
