I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
