I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
