So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
