i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
