I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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