She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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