I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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