Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I met the friendliest cop last night
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
