If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
