she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
