my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
