he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
