Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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