I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
