The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it glows. i had to have it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
