If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
