I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
