Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
