I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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