Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
