Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
